The Truth About Forgiveness

The truth about forgiveness is that it’s probably not what you think it is. People like to portray forgiveness as hugging your enemies, putting up with and tolerating nonsense or the like. Well, I have a different take on forgiveness. Buckle you seatbelt because this might upend everything you’ve ever been taught about forgiveness. Here’s the truth about forgiveness:

What It Is

First things first, forgiveness is for you. Forgiveness is to set you free. It’s to take your power back and not allow your offender to take up the precious real estate in your heart and mind, rent-free. Forgiveness keeps you from being stuck in time and tethered to the person(s) who harmed you. Forgiveness is not allowing what’s happened or been done to you to eat you alive. Not letting things go will eat you alive. You deserve better. You deserve to be free and move forward. That’s what forgiveness does for you. It sets you free. Forgiveness is to cleanse that offender from your spirit and space. It’s an act of self-love.

What It Isn’t

One thing forgiveness isn’t is reconciliation with your offender. You don’t owe your offender anything. Zip. Zilch. Nada. You can forgive somebody and not reconcile with him/her. Especially if that person hasn’t acknowledged, apologized for and repented from the wrong s/he has done to you. Reconciling with an offender who hasn’t changed is a sure fire way for you to be harmed again.

Furthermore, forgiveness isn’t saying that the wrong that was done to you was right. When you forgive to set yourself free, you’re not saying the wrong done to you was ok. You’re saying that you choose your peace and freedom above all else. It’s saying you refuse to allow the harm done to you to keep you bound. Instead, you choose to let go so that you can remain free and move forward.

Forgiveness definitely isn’t forgetting the wrong that was done to you. Forgiveness is simply not allowing what was done to you to control you. Some things you can’t forget. How do you forget being injured or assaulted? How do you forget being traumatized? Certain things that have happened to you, you will never forget. However, you can reach a place where you don’t feel the pain of the wrong that was done to you when the memory comes up.

Forgiveness isn’t about making your offender feel warm and fuzzy. I don’t know how forgiveness has been associated with hugging your offender, holding his/her hand and assuring him/her that you see his/her humanity. Like, what? Again, forgiveness is for you. Forgiveness is about you. It’s saying despite the harm that has been done to you, you refuse to allow that person to continue to victimize you past the original harm. Forgiveness isn’t about making your offender feel good.

Finally, forgiveness isn’t tolerating disrespect. I don’t know why folks associate forgiving people with being a doormat. God didn’t create you to tolerate mistreatment and disrespect. When people show you who they are, believe them. If they haven’t changed, steer clear of them. You don’t earn a gold badge for putting up with foolishness and mistreatment. You can forgive a people and still refuse to allow them to further mistreat and disrespect you. Period.

Zogie De Gemini recently posted a great video on forgiveness. Check it out below.

What are your thoughts about forgiveness? What does forgiveness mean to you? Drop a comment below.