The other day I was on the ‘gram and I saw a video of a little girl skateboarding while simultaneously trying to hula-hoop. While she was super cute and killing the skateboarding, I couldn’t help but feel that she was being groomed to perform for approval. Which then made me reflect on myself. How many times, over the years, had I found myself performing for approval (hint: many times)? How do you know if you might be performing for approval? Here are a few questions to ask yourself:
Why Are You Doing It?
One way to know whether or not you’re performing for approval is to ask yourself why you’re doing what you’re doing. Are you doing it to serve others, to share your creativity with the world or are you doing it for praise and to be seen? Be honest with yourself. Always be clear on what’s driving you to do what you do.
How Do You Feel When There’s No Applause/Recognition?
One sure-fire way to know if you’re performing for approval is how you feel when you get crickets instead of applause. When you’re doing something with an expectation of a specific response, you’re probably performing for approval. Performing for applause will have you feeling some type of way when you don’t receive them. That’s too much control to give to other people.
Do You Feel Your Value is Attached to Your Performance?
Do you feel better about yourself when you receive applause versus when you don’t? If the answer is yes, you’re probably performing for approval. When I was growing up, I lived for my Father’s approval. For whatever reason, I felt that his approval of me was attached to my performance (to be clear, my parents never told me this). I worked overtime to do the things that, I felt, would garner his approval – getting good grades, staying out of trouble, etc. If I felt my Dad approved of me, I felt like a million bucks. If I felt he disapproved of me, I felt worthless and sad. Looking back, I don’t think my Dad ever disapproved of me. However, whether he did or didn’t, my value wasn’t tied to his approval. It took me some time and work, but I overcame the need to perform for my Dad’s approval.
Performing for approval is a prison. You’re essentially giving someone else the keys to your feelings, value and self worth. Take your power back and free yourself. The first step to doing so is to recognize that you’re doing it.