Unpopular opinion: Why beg for a seat at someone else’s table when you can build your own table? Now, before you stone, drag or cancel me, please hear me out. While I understand the concept and intentions behind “a seat at the table”, it just never sat right in my spirit. See, it’s not that people in these positions of power are unaware of who’s not present at the table; it’s quite the contrary. Your invitation didn’t get lost in the mail and you weren’t accidentally overlooked. You were never intended to be on the guest list from the jump. Hell, the powers that be never wanted us to know the table even existed. I know that stings a little but let it sink in. I know it’s hard to fathom why people would want to deprive themselves of the pleasure of your company, but remember, not everyone has good taste. There are a number of reasons why you should build your own table. Here are a few:
You Control It
Personally, I’ve never been one to want to be somewhere where I wasn’t wanted. I can’t be free and enjoy myself in an environment where I’m being tolerated. If you’ve ever lived or worked in an environment where you really weren’t wanted, but were being tolerated, you know how debilitating and toxic that experience can be. Having experienced that type of environment myself, I’ll be the first to tell you, it’s hell. It impacts you mentally, physically and emotionally. And to subject yourself to that type of environment, day in and day out, is very unloving. You deserve to be in an environment where you’re appreciated, respected and nurtured. It’s sad that these environments are so typical that we’re willing to endure such abuse because we don’t think that better is possible. When you build the table, you control it. You control the environment and the vibe. Sure, there’s some risk and responsibility in building your own table, but there’s also freedom, self-determination and reward. You have the option and the ability to make it happen.
You Can Invite Who You Want
When you build your own table, you can invite whomever you want. You can invite people to your table who love, appreciate and respect you. You can invite people to your table who believe in community, collaboration and reciprocity, not back stabbing and competition. Who you have at the table sets the tone for the environment.
You Don’t Have to Beg or Fight
One of the biggest benefits of building your own table is you don’t have to beg or fight. The very concept of fighting for a seat at someone else’s table is the epitome of begging. If someone wants you at his or her table, he or she will invite you. You don’t have to beg or fight. If you haven’t been invited to the table, it’s because you’re not wanted at the table. Trust me, you don’t want to be at a table you had to elbow your way into. If you do manage to secure a seat that you had to fight for, you can best believe it’s going to be wobbly, right by the kitchen door and they might even spit in your food. When you build your own table you hold the power.
You Can Focus on the Work
When you build your own table you can focus on the work being conducted at the table. Surely you didn’t think the purpose of having a table was to sit around doing nothing, did you? The whole purpose of having a table is to come together with like-minded people, aggregate your power and get things done. When you and everyone at your table are aligned you can focus on the work to be done, whether that’s building a business, community, or something else.
To be clear – I’m not opposed to having a seat at the table. However, I’m not interested in sitting at any table where I’m not invited or wanted. Personally, I’d rather build my own table than fight for a seat at someone else’s. That way I can invite as many people as I want to pull up and have a seat, at a table where everyone is wanted, appreciated and respected. That’s the only type of table I want a seat at. How about you? What do you think about building your own table? Drop a comment below.