Sis, you’re not here to make others comfortable. That’s not your job. You don’t exist to make others feel better by stroking their egos and boosting their self-esteem. You’re not an emotional support dog or pack mule. That’s not why you were placed on this earth. Your purpose is far greater than that. Now, don’t get me wrong; this isn’t a license or green light for you to run around being a self-centered, ego driven terror. It’s more of a confirmation. You don’t have to dim your light, shrink and contort yourself, or pretend to be “less than” just because someone else might be intimidated by your shine. You owe it to yourself to operate at your fullest potential.
Some People Will Misunderstand You No Matter What So Let Them
I don’t care what you do or how hard you try, there are going to be some people who misunderstand you, no matter what. With that said, you might as well go ahead and be your full, unadulterated, brilliant self.
Admittedly, what prompted this post in the first place was a video I saw a few days ago, from a Black Detroit artist. In the video, he was talking about how his art depicts how it feels to be an African American in America. What struck me the most was when he said that he does it in a beautiful way “to make his artwork digestible to all races.” Naturally, my immediate response was a visceral one. People will misunderstand you, no matter what you do, regardless of your intentions. Too many of us have been far too accommodating for the purpose of others’ comfort, to our own detriment. If you can make others comfortable without sacrificing yourself or your truth in the process, cool. If not, discomfort it is. Ask yourself, what do you have to gain by curating yourself in order to be more palatable to others? Chances are, not a damn thing!
Their Comfort is Your Torture
Have you ever tried to cram your foot into a shoe or stuff yourself into clothing that was too small? You may have tried to convince yourself that “It would only be for a little while, so it wouldn’t be that bad,” right? Right. Wrong. If you’re being honest it was hell. Trying to conform in order to make others comfortable is torture. It’s torture to try to pretend to be something or someone that you’re not.
And if we’re being honest, a lot of us have tried to make others comfortable so that we would be “liked.” Now be honest, how did that work out? Even if you did alter yourself in a way to be more liked, who they liked wasn’t even the real you, but a curated version of yourself. And I can guarantee that even if they were happy and comfortable with that version of you, you were miserable.
Your Existence is Far Greater Than Others’ Comfort
Your very existence is going to make someone uncomfortable so why even bother caring about their opinions or comfort? As a believer, I believe God put each of us on this earth, for a purpose. You weren’t put on this earth to make others comfortable. Your existence is far greater than that. Truth be told, if you’re truly living your purpose, you’re guaranteed to make folks uncomfortable. You have far too much in you to minimize yourself for others’ comfort. It’s torture not to operate to the fullest of your potential. You owe it to yourself to be everything you were created to be.
Trying to Make Others Comfortable Robs You of Your Identity and Your Voice
Generally, trying to make others comfortable requires you to be someone other than who you are. Specifically, it usually requires you to be less than who you are. It usually requires you to morph and contort yourself so much so that you don’t even recognize yourself. Trying to make others comfortable will rob you of your ability to speak truth to power. It will cause you to worry more about not being seen as angry or aggressive than speaking your truth. But if your truth makes others uncomfortable, so be it.
Also, you tend to lose your voice when trying to make others comfortable. You often have to edit yourself and keep quiet to keep the peace. If you choose to make others’ comfort a top priority, prepare to live life on mute.
It Trains You to Put Others’ Above Your Own Needs
When you choose to prioritize others’ comfort, you’re training yourself to put their comfort above your needs. Now, I’m not telling you to be selfish, self-centered and self-serving. But please recognize that you do yourself a disservice when prioritize others’ comfort above your needs. Say, for example, you’re at work and you’re dealing with a passive-aggressive, micro managing supervisor. The comfortable thing to do, for your supervisor, would be to keep quite and not rock the boat. However, what about your needs? Would it serve you to suffer in silence or directly address the supervisor’s behavior? Yes, it’d be uncomfortable to address the matter, but how does keeping quiet serve you? Choosing to sacrifice your needs for the sake of others’ comfort will leave you with unmet needs and you’ll only have yourself to blame. You have nothing to gain by centering those other individuals, at your own expense.
What do you think about trying to make others comfortable? Drop a comment below and let us know what you think. Please share this post if you found it useful.
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